so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
