I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
