At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
