we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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