respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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