I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
