I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All the doctor said was why
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
