Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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