You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
