He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
