You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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