She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Moan for me like Helen Keller
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
