You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
