Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
