I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
