chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
