Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
