I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He kissed a someone with a penis
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
