Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
