Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
