You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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