Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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