I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
