But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How does it feel to date your dad?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
