Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
