Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
