you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
