you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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