I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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