idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i drank out of a bidet.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
