Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
