why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
