Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
