I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
