even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
