So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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