I skipped work to stalk him.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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