Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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