I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
