fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
