A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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