I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How does one acquire holy water?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
