Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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