it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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