just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
