so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
