I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
