i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We need to rekindle our bromance
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
