Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
