I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
