Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
