I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
