wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
